How online romance turns into fraud: one woman’s story and a growing problem
- Law and criminology
Dorothy Fox, an 85-year-old great grandmother from Wiltshire, knows this all too well. After losing her husband of 39 years, Dorothy joined an online dating site hoping to meet someone new. Instead, she became the victim of a long‑term romance scam that cost her £10,000. Years later, much of that money remains unpaid.
Her story is both deeply personal and increasingly common.
How a relationship became a scam
Dorothy was contacted by a man calling himself “Mark.” He appeared charming, attentive, and thoughtful. He sent gifts. He invested time. Over months of conversation, trust slowly built.
Then, the requests began.
Mark claimed he had lost his wallet and passport. He said he was stranded without money. Each request seemed small and reasonable in the context of what Dorothy believed was a genuine relationship. Looking back, she describes the experience as being “reeled in,” step by step.
Despite arranging to meet, Mark never showed up in person. Even then, Dorothy believed his explanations but luckily her family intervened. A photograph he sent from hospital raised suspicions. Her daughter noticed that something about the image didn’t add up. When Dorothy investigated further, she discovered the address he’d provided was fake.
That was the moment the relationship ended abruptly, along with any illusion of trust.
The reality of “RomCon” fraud
What Dorothy experienced is often referred to as romance fraud or RomCon; a crime where emotional manipulation is central to the scam. According to experts, these fraudsters rarely begin with requests for money. Instead, scammers invest time in grooming their victims, building a sense of closeness and shared identity before exploiting it.
By the time money is requested, many victims feel they are helping someone they care about, not being defrauded.
"These fraudsters use all sorts of different types of language techniques. They use words such as 'just' and 'only' to make something feel as though it's not such a big deal at all, or they use words like 'us' and 'together' to make you feel like it's you and them against the world”.
Dr Elisabeth Carter is criminologist and forensic linguist who works at the intersection of language and the law. She examines the interactional, ethical and social drivers manipulated by criminals, revealing the intricate balancing act between power and persuasion, credibility and vulnerability in fraud and financial abuse.
Justice delayed and possibly denied
In Dorothy’s case, a man from London was later convicted of money laundering and ordered to repay the full £10,000. However, more than eight years on, almost £7,000 remains outstanding. Payments have been sporadic, and recently they stopped altogether.
At 85, Dorothy doubts she will live long enough to see the money returned.
Her frustration isn’t just about her own loss. It’s about the system, and about others who may still be caught in similar scams.
Why romance fraud is so under‑reported
Fraud investigators say romance scams are often under‑reported because victims feel embarrassed or ashamed. Many blame themselves for “falling for it,” even though these scams are highly sophisticated and emotionally manipulative.
Law enforcement stresses that reporting matters. Banks and fraud reporting services can use information from victims to identify patterns, stop repeat offenders, and prevent others from being targeted.
The scale of the issue is significant. Thousands of romance fraud cases are reported every year across the UK, with losses often running into life‑changing sums. In Dorothy’s local area alone, more than £1 million was lost to romance scams in a single year.
A story that carries a warning
Dorothy describes what happened to her as “truly wicked.” Her anger isn’t driven by money alone, but by the idea that someone could deliberately exploit loneliness and trust.
Her story is a reminder that:
- Romance scams can affect anyone, at any age
- Long‑term emotional grooming is a key tactic
- Asking for help or reporting fraud is not a sign of failure
Above all, it shows why conversations about online safety, emotional manipulation, and fraud awareness matter - especially as more people turn to digital platforms to find connection.